E-Mailbag for March 31, 2003

Mr. Mac wrote:

Why did I read this whole page? None of it tells me anything about my cat, or how to spell a word I can't spell.
P.S. To the person named "Amy", How can you not know how to get the eggs from Birdo. That birds like the boss in every level!
P.S.S. What does P.S. stand for?
P.S.S.S. What does P.S.S. stand for?
P.S.S.S.S. What does P.S.S.S. stand for?
Maybe I should stop asking questions.

BeckerManEX: The last line of your message is the most intelligent thing anyone has ever said in an issue of the 'Bag.
Hairball: I am confused. What does any of this have to do with your cat? And on the other hand, who gives a crap about your cat? Yep, no one like I thought.
TW: 1) Blah. PS means Post Script. Post Sub Script. Post Sub Sub Script. Post Sub Sub Sub Script. Post Sub Sub Sub Sub Script.
Tiger: You read it because you love us. We don't like it because we hate you.
Homer: FUCK, NOT THIS AGAIN
Net-tech: Gay.

McGaffin wrote:

SolarGamer WATCH OUT!!!

BeckerManEX: You nine year old junior high wannabe retards can have your stupid watch out game, here's hoping a truck full of gasoline runs into you on the freeway and burns your entire family to keep them from producing any more stupid children like you.
Hairball: DON'T YOU HEAR IT SOLARGAMER? WATCH OUT!!
TW: MARLENA IS MY BITCH.
Tiger: Where's McGaffin?
Homer: Sleep Marlena Sleeeeep?
Net-tech: Sleep Marlena Sleep. Real One Player. And all that other shit.

Yoshiguy wrote:

do you think there will ever be a mature mario game?

BeckerManEX: That depends on your definition of mature. If you are thinking of Mario decapitating enemies and urinating on their remains I don't think so.
Hairball: I think I've mentioned that Super Mario Sunshine is quite mature, just pay attention to the love story between Mario and Peach, and all that hot sweaty sex that they told us about subliminally. Now you see it, don't you?
TW: SMS was Mature, as Bowser fucked Peach to make Bowser JR, the game hinted it massively.
Tiger: Of course. Not. Silly gamers, Mario is for kids!
Homer: Super Mario Sunshine IS mature
Net-tech: The most mature game Mario has ever appeared in is Super Smash Bros. Melee, which is rated T. Don't expect an M game, Mario's too gay for that.

Phantaz wrote:

I saw on G4 TV that Nintendo plans on releasing their next big system in 2005, or 2006. I thought that Nintendo was doing GAMECUBE untill 2008. Why the sudden change?

BeckerManEX: Consoles have a general life span of five years, sans the Game Boy. Therefore for a system that was released in 2001 would recieve a followup in 2006, but since Nintendo doesn't want to be a year behind Sony this time, they will launch when Sony does in 2005 which is five years after the 2000 launch of the PS2.
Hairball: By this, you imply that once the clock strikes January 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM, that your GameCube will cease to work?
TW: Nintendo want to kill Sony with an Early release date.
Tiger: Because everyone wants to compete. People want prettier graphics and more powerful machines to compete in the market.
Homer: Because Nintendo sucks
Net-tech: Yes, Becker is right.

Philenator wrote:

God damn the bastard who took over Gaming Advanced! That site used to be fucking awesome until he came.

PS: go to my site or I will kill you.

BeckerManEX: How can we go to your site if you don't give us a link harppie?
Hairball: Then again, everyone praises their own site.
TW: Gaming Advanced was Gayming Advanced.
Tiger: What does this have to do with Mario, Nintendo, or SM128c?
Homer: Rape Meeeee
Net-tech: Hahaha, why did you bother to email us about this? You already told us in the chat. Now the whole world can laugh at you, not just the three people in the chat.

Foxy Girl wrote:

Wow,I've been on your site more lately.I have to say I like the stuff you have here,except for a few things.
Number 1,SolarGamer is a bastard.How can he say he is not racist when he seems to value Aryans above all else?Racism is not just hate...Ever heard of white SUPREMACISTS?
Number 2,Yes I am the same Foxy Girl that wrote in about a month ago.And why would you say relations with Fox McCloud would be bestiality?He's not a dumb animal,he's anthropomorphic.TOTALLY different.Obviously,you're not into stuff like EverQuest with the animal-human hybrids.They are just so sexy.And Fox is king.
One side note,I was on a sugar high when I wrote that last e-mail thing,so I probably looked really perky.Well,I'm not really in real life.Oh,and contrary to what some of you said,I AM a girl and I am NOT ugly.I know several guys at my high school that would kill for a date with me.So there.See ya! :

BeckerManEX: I don't believe you are a girl because most girls don't know a thing about using computers. I have never met a girl who know her way around the 'net and wouldn't click on every banner ad that stated she won "$25,000." While this doesn't explain all girls, most are not very computer oriented.
Hairball: If you are a man, there's no reason you want a hot piece of blonde ass. If you don't, then you're probably just gay.
TW: 1. Solar probably is a Racist Fuck. 2. Will you please stop the beastality. If you want fox cock, go to the Zoo, leave McCloud Alone.
Tiger: Well, anyone can say whatever they want on the internet and get away with it. MMORPGs evil. Everquest evil.
Homer: Good For You
Net-tech: Yes, Solar is a bastard gay white supremacist. Yes, you're a lesbian. Yes, we don't care. And if you're going to get high, get high on drugs, not sugar.

Mr. T wrote:

I pity da fool who runs sm128c.

BeckerManEX: Me too, hence why I freelance.
Hairball: And I pity the fool who sends in unintelligent questions such as this one. But however, the wise man is foolish, while the fool is wise, or something like that.
TW: Why, Mr. T? Why Not Mr. R, or Mr.S?
Tiger: Take that, HB!
Homer: I pity you, lazy fuck!
Net-tech: That is a waste of your time.

Saten wrote:

Where the hell is the Super Mario Saga!!!! I DEMAND IT!! I Know most of you all came down here to hell all ready, but I'll make you stay if it doesn't start soon... Well except Solar, because he knows a way to sneak out of hell!!!

BeckerManEX: Try reading a book.
Hairball: Unfortunately, this is not in SM128C's control. We cannot dictate to Solar what to do, he will only do what he wants. So all of you people have to be patient.
TW: Erm, It was put up over a week ago. YOU SLOW SHIT!
Tiger: Super Mario Saga is a procrastinated idea. Solar is a slacker.
Homer: God will kick Solar to hell!
Net-tech: It's quite entertaining to see what happens behind the scenes. Every time Solar has to send in another chapter but he hasn't done it, he dissapears.

Goku wrote:

Kaaaa meeee haaaa meeee yaaaa!

BeckerManEX: You were a mistake, your parent's won't tell you, but I was.
Hairball: Goku, are you that gay guy on Dragonball Z?
TW: It's Kamehameha. Don't believe FUNimation's bullshit American Dub, you moron.
Tiger: Kisama wa bakayarou!
Homer: Yaaaaaa Meeeeee Haaaaa Meeeee Kaaaaaaaa
Net-tech: Yooooooooou Arrrrrrre Quuuuiiittte Gaaaaaay

Evan wrote:

Why is Solargamer such a jackass?

BeckerManEX: Beacuse of people like you who write in with innane questions that just push us off the edge. Remember when I used to answer questions nicely?
Hairball: Because you can reach the sky, where you fall down, and die.
TW: Jackass is a shit program, and so was the movie. Who could have thought Idiots could make millions?
Tiger: No, he's not an animal. Just a deranged human slacker.
Homer: How the fuck am i supposed to know
Net-tech: He's many things: a cunt licker, a dick sucker (yes, he's bisexual), a fucker, a whore, a bitch, but I didn't know he was a jackass. I'll have to add that to the list.

Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot wrote:

Yo,Mario is cool with me. SMS was kind of a let-down, but alright. I still like Super Mario World da best! Work it!

BeckerManEX: I am not "working" anything, but I do agree that SMS was very cool.
Hairball: Most Mario games are pretty good, but I just didn't find Super Mario Sunshine to be that pleasing it's good, but not that good.
TW: You Work out your penis over SMS? Get a girlfriend.
Tiger: Ok. Yet another questionless e-mail.
Homer: PMS 0wnz SMS
Net-tech: Missy Elliot is still fat as fuck. That means fatter than Homer, which is quite hard to do.

Elise wrote:

I love your web site!

BeckerManEX: Me too!
Hairball: I love you!
TW: So do I.
Tiger: Thank you.
Homer: Yay, finally a supporter
Net-tech: I love Mario Guide too.

Marlena wrote:

Sorry, SolarGamer. I was exhausted from having too much sex, so I drank lots of coffee, so therefore, I have insomnia. So I can't sleep! MWAHAHAHAHA!

BeckerManEX: Coffee doesn't give you insomnia. Insomnia is a disease of sleep deprivation and cannot be caused by one thing along. Watch Fight Club then talk to me about Insomnia.
Hairball: What kind of loser gets stoned on coffee and then starts to fuck? Try something like alcohol, and you'll get much better effects.
TW: Try watching "Insomnia" the film then.
Tiger: The morons just keep on coming. And I just keep on ignoring. What a futile world.
Homer: Yay, am i next on your fuck list?
Net-tech: You better fuck me within a few minutes. Solar promised you would.

Chris wrote:

You know of the SM64 concrete star in the courtyard, right? Well, I got all the coins from all the courses, and also from the castle secret courses. Then I just walked into the courtyard one time afterwards, when music from the movie "Scarface" suddenly played once Mario closed the door behind him from entering the courtyard. Then the little boos had on these sunglasses and each one had either a baseball bat, pistol, uzi, or shotgun! I defeated them, and their weapons, just like a koopa shell when you stomp a koopa, dropped to the ground, and I could pick them up and fire them, swing the bat, and each had infinite ammo. Then I looked at the "L is real2043" sign, then walked up to it, and swung the bat at it. Luigi warped in, then said he will join me. I saved the game, since it let me, and now I have Luigi, and when I go into different courses, there are new bonuses, like a golf cart at the bomb-omb battlefield. And I discovered 7 new courses! Try getting all the coins in each course, and then punch the sign in the courtyard, as this is the one code to get Luigi in SM64, plus you also get bonuses, like a radio at the screen menu, and the camera men change their cloud into the KNN chopper. The radio does have scarface songs, and much more, like King Koopa reception, and how he's complaining about his toilet overflow. This is much better than GTA3!

BeckerManEX: Yawn.
Hairball: Super Mario 64 was released 7 years ago, and hell, that little joke of ours was also 3 years old. And there were similar fakes before that too...
TW: If you stick SM64 up your cunt, you may get Luigi.
Tiger: Sometimes, I feel kinda bored of responding to the same lack of intelligence e-mails. But then again, why did I choose to participate in this mailbag anyway? The world may never know.
Homer: I'm suprised kids these days have time to do this shit
Net-tech: Please hit yourself with the baseball bat.

It's a damn shame wrote:

.........I don't believe it...........

BeckerManEX: I don't believe how you are still alive. Go get kidnapped or something.
Hairball: Are you an Avril Lavigne fan?
TW: I don't either.
Tiger: Neither do I...
Homer: SHAME? WHAT? WHERE? WHO? WHEN? WHY? POURQUOI? QUI? QUE? QUAND? OU? POURQUOI? COMMENT? COMBIAN? WHAT(W&%)EFDDSFDSAFDSFD
Net-tech: Fuck you.

Jason wrote:

PLEASE ANSWER THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I want to install a gbatv on my system, but I have an afterburner internal light kit installed. Will it work?!?

BeckerManEX: I haven't a clue what at GBATV is, but you don't really need an Afterburner anymore if you pick up the newly released Game Boy Advance SP.
Hairball: Perhaps. It depends if you install it properly. But you might as well wait for the GBA Player for the Gamecube, which lets you play GBA games on it.
TW: It will probably still work.
Tiger: PLEASE QUESTION THIS! I dunno, it seems like it would work.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: YOU'RE GAYER THAN HOMER!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! And yes, it should.

Babidi wrote:

Is there a minigame in SMS that lets you have sexual relations with Peach?!?

BeckerManEX: You people all need serious help, get lives!
Hairball: Yes... definitely. But I won't tell you, unless you get me a hot bitch to give me a wild time.
TW: Why don't you masturbate over the hot sexual session Bowser & Peach had during SM64, which gave birth to Bowser Jr?
Tiger: Fortunately no.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Yes, but I'll let you find it yourself.

Man who got lost in Best Buy for 47 years wrote:

Help me!!! I've been wandering around this Best Buy store for 47 years!!! All of my clothing is made out of electronics, even my underwear! I sleep next to the Playstation 2's. I made a pair of pants out of GBA cartridges once. And strangest of all, I've developes a strange appetite for wires. Mmmm.

P.S. What the hell posessed me to write this. What am I, a moron? Yes, I am. Thank you, I'll have the cheddar.

BeckerManEX: Yes you are a moron. Please eat a live electrical wire so you die.
Hairball: Has Best Buy even been open for 47 years?
TW: (moving on..)
Tiger: I'm sure. Another e-mailbag liar!
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Yes you are. Thank you for wasting my time.

Mario Wiz wrote:

What kind of game is Super Mario Advance 4 going to be?

BeckerManEX: We could all hope for a new, original adventure, but most likely it will be an older NES or SNES game re-made for the GBA.
Hairball: It's going to be a Super Mario Bros. 3 port from the NES, Yoshi's Story from N64, or perhaps a brand new Mario adventure.
TW: Unconfirmed as present.
Tiger: A platformer with Mario.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: A Game Boy Advance game. No details as to whether it is a port or a new game.

Geno wrote:

Your site sucks off the royal ass of England! Why dont you guys give it up and open up a porn site instead?

BeckerManEX: Because the internet is filled with porn sites, why would we want to be a small fish in a big pond when we can be a large fish in a medium sized pond?
Hairball: Because if we run a porn site, we'll only have horny old men e-mailing us every day for more content.
TW: We can make "Mario does the Mushroom Kingdom". Peach can bake a Cake with Solar anytime, she could do things with her body that nobody thought was ever possible.
Tiger: Because the mother of SM128C is going to smack HB and crew!
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Yes we will consider that.

Shy Guy wrote:

Your site is AWSOME!!!!!! Even though I wrote you yesterday well, here's another! Would you be able to make a SHY GUY biography on here? Also, I would want to know, who do you like better? MARIO OR LUIGI?

BeckerManEX: Thanks for the poorly spelled compliment. I would have to pick Mario, just because he has better moves and his waterpack beats out Luigi's vacuum.
Hairball: Considering how lazy I am, that will probably never happen.
TW: Shy guy does fuck all, and was introduced in Super Mario USA, so he/she was from Doki Doki Panic. NEXT?
Tiger: Mario. Because he's the cool red plumber.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Shy Guy is gay. He'd have to suck my cock before we'd do a biography for him. Mario and Luigi are both gay, but Luigi is gayer, since he squeels like a 3 year old. Mario is at least 4, maybe even 5.

Chris wrote:

At first I liked mario sunshine. I beat it. But then..I kept playing it. It was wierd. I beat it like 4 times now. And its in my mind. And now I LOVE it. One thing that bugs me is how everyone complains about the camera. Cause I love it. Its a hell of alot better than the Mario 64 one. Cause I personaly like to see eveything around me. Not just 4 notches left and 4 noctches right. People who have problems with the camera just suck at mario games and need to suck it up and get better. haha Later.

BeckerManEX: I do agree that the game is a lot of fun, and I would like to spend more time playing it, but Metroid and Star Fox came along, and Zelda is out tomorrow so Mario may be on the back burner till Summer. I also agree that the camera is not that big of a problem, but it is disappointing considering how well done the camera was done in Mario 64, sans a few areas where it was hard to see what was going on, but it was the first game of it's kind, so Nintendo is allowed to make a few mistakes.
Hairball: How about you kiss my ass?
TW: Super Mario 64 was better, end of story.
Tiger: Later.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: You're gay. If the majority of the gaming community thinks that the camera sucks, then the camera sucks. Nintendo would be stupid to keep future camera systems the same when only 1% of the population will like them. Hmm, 1% of the population is gay, and 1% of the population likes the current camera. Hmmm... Coincidence? I don't think so.

Julie wrote:

I think super mario sunshine is the best game in the universe. Once i started to play gamecube i saw the graphics on mario sunshine and i thought the graphics couldn't get any better. I allready beat the game but I don't erase them,I just like to play around. My favorite park in the game would have to be Bianco hills and Galato beach,I don't know why but I like jumping on the strings

BeckerManEX: The strings are a lot of fun when you aren't trying to use them to get to a shine. When you are trying to accomplish something, falling off of them is a lesson in frustration as nothing seems to line up correctly, but I agree, like the previous person, the game is awesome.
Hairball: I like to play around too... with myself.
TW: These are not questions, they are statements!
Tiger: Yet another questionless e-mail.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Sucking Yoshi's cock underground was my favourite part.

Jon wrote:

Do you guys know if the game boy advance SP has a replacable light bulb? Thanks for your time.

BeckerManEX: It doesn't need a light bulb, it isn't what you would consider a typical light in relation to Worm Lights and such. It is a piece of material, that when energized, emits light infront of the screen and illuminates it. Therefore, it should never need replacing. It is similar to the Afterburner, except the afterburner is a backlight, and the GBA SP comes with a front light which is placed in front of the active matrix LCD.
Hairball: No, the light can't be replaced. LED's have a long life, they won't burn out for 10,000's of hours, so there's not much to worry about. But if it does burn out, you'll have to buy a new GBASP.
TW: It will never need replacing, so No.
Tiger: Nothing that Nintendo would like you to tinker on your own.
Homer: Dunno
Net-tech: Perhaps.

Impact009 wrote:

Another year another visit to this site...anything new happening lately?

BeckerManEX: You wrote in.
Hairball: Guess what! I'M NOT GAY ANYMORE!
TW: Yes, our site is as fertile as ever.
Tiger: Of course not.
Homer: Not much.
Net-tech: Yes. Iraq got raped, Solar got raped, Homer got fatter, Hairball got more fobbish, and updates have slowed to less than a trickle. And Mario Guide still 0wnz j00.

The Ghost of Last Year wrote:

Well, I wrote a letter last month (see February 1, 2003 E-mailbag). I would like to answer to each of your grim responses individually. If you don't remember your responses to me, then look at the E-Mailbag. If you don't care, then stop reading, as the rest is irrelevant to you. Here are my responses to your responses.

To A

BeckerManEX: Your pathetic attempt at humor is not funny.
Hairball: Is that a complement to me?
TW: I don't give a flying fuck about you, so go throw yourself off that cliff NOW.
Tiger: Yes, it's all irrelavant. Thanks for the trip to the past.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Wow you have become much more gay in just two months.

Glen wrote:

I have the tv tuner and it is awesome. i plugged it into the s-input and the rca seperatly and the color starts out kinda yellowish. it sometimes goes to regular colors but it's sporadic and it flickers between regular and yellowish tint. have you hear dof this happening or where i can go to for support?

BeckerManEX: If you are using the S-Video input, be sure that you do not have the yellow RCA cable plugged in as they are both for video. Plugging them both in, in theory, shouldn't have any ill effects since any device can only broadcast information on one of the cables at a time. Also, be sure that your TV-Tuner card is as far away from any other cards in your system (in the PCI slots) so you don't get any EMI that could distort your colors. Finally, be sure you are running the latest drivers of your video card, as old drivers could cause such problems. Also, if able to, upgrade to DirectX9 when you upgrade your video card drivers.
Hairball: Just wait for the GBA Player on the Gamecube, so you inexperienced system modders can save your time.
TW: I honestly don't know.
Tiger: Hmmm ask the manufacturer of the TV tuner.
Homer: ...
Net-tech: Phone or email the maker of the card, bitch. And TV tuners 0wnz j00.

Ashley wrote:

I would like to say that Paper Mario is the BEST video game of all time! I would like to know if Paper Mario is going to be made for any other game console.

BeckerManEX: The best thing we can expect would be a sequel on the GameCube or even GBA, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Of course, since the game was on a Nintendo console (produced by Nintendo, it will never appear on a competing system.
Hairball: That's always possible, just look at the new Zelda game, it's a similar style to Paper Mario, so there likely can be a new one on the GameCube.
TW: No, but they may make Paper Mario 2 with a Paper Mario Bonus Disc - or not.
Tiger: Have no clue, but it would be neat if it made a port to the GBA.
Homer: No.
Net-tech: Probably not, bitch.