E-Mailbag for July 12, 2002

SNESworshipper wrote:

Man, your site has really gone down hill. There used to be updates nearly every day! And god, when was the last time you had an emailbag, march?!? GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! Otherwise you're gonna start to lose visitors! And I'm getting to the end of my tether. I think I speak for everyone when I say......... WE WANT UPDATES. P.S. If you don't print this I'll know it's because you're ashamed of your shabby site. P.P.S. SNES rules!

BeckerManEX: We have tried very hard to keep the updates as high of a calibre as we can, but we don't want to stoop to the level of some sites that post a new screenshot and email every press contact on the web about what they have done and need constant reassurance that what they are doing is good. We do things our way, the easy way, the fun way. If you don't like it, don't visit, it is a simple as that. If you had a site of your own, which I'm willing to bet you don't, you would see that it is much harder than uploading a few files every day, you have to keep on top of things, and working with Microsoft products doesn't make it any easier. Yes you are correct when you say the SNES rules, I just found mine!
Hairball: "We" want updates? Who exactly is "we"? Just because YOU feel that there should be updates, doesn't mean that EVERYONE should feel that way either. You don't deserve to see any updates, you selfish little bastard. And did I remember to tell you that SNES sucks? Guess not.
Namek: *pokes SM128C witha stick* ... Hrmmm... I think it's dead :
SolarGamer: Psssshhhhhh. I bet this is a 23 year old college virgin who has nothing better to do than bitch and complain to a Mario fan-site for kids. Ok buddy. We will update now thanks to your brilliant motivation. Why don't you go play Dungeons and Dragons or something. Jack-ass.
Tiger: Yes, we all know HB is lazy with updates, but we updated the emailbag..sheesh.
Homer: We last had a mail bag two weeks ago thanks for your information.

Yoshiman wrote:

I have a few questions to ask you: 1. Who is the villain in "Mario Sunshine"? 2. Will Mario ever be a guestar in "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command"? 3. I made a new Super Mario T.V. Show for Nickelodeon & named it "Super Mario RPG: The Series". How's that for the scoop? 4. Will Sonic be in the next "Mario Kart Game" for Gamecube? 5. I had alot of time making up new characters for my show; Pauline (Mario's Wife), Mario, Jr., Wario, Jr., Luigi, Jr. & Waluigi II (Mario's Quat Sons), Marittah (Mario's Daughter), Racs (Son of Scar the lion) and Wart (Bowser's Ex-Chancellor), how's that for the scoop?

BeckerManEX: 1) It hasn't been stated yet who the villain is, but it is someone who looks like Mario and has put the sludge all over the island (I'm guessing Wario, but that may be out of the park). 2) Buzz is Disney, Mario is Nintendo, don't count on it. 3) Excellent 4) It is possible 5) Seemily impossible it will ever make the air.
Hairball: I think I'll be direct, and I will answer your questions. 1. Dunno 2. No 3. Don't give a rat's ass 4. It ain't called Sonic Kart, hoe 5. Don't give 3 rats' asses
Namek: 1. Super Baby Eater Man ... 2. WTF, why would he guest star in that game ... 3. I'm sure it's a dandy show :D ... 4. I dunno. I do not own a GCN and it pisses me off ... 5. That doesn't sounds like you made up your own characters. Try harder next time thx.
SolarGamer: GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! Oh my freaking lord in all my years answering the e-mail bag this is by far the GAYEST thing I have ever read. Dude, I bet this guy's mother babies him and as a result infested homosexual tendencies in him. Lets just humor him for if it is one thing that the Columbine School Shooting has taught us, it is that these anti-social freaks have violent tendencies and deserve all the bullying that they recieve...that, and they're ugly.
Tiger: 1. Some mysterious person that graffitti'd the whole place up. 2. Hopefully not. 3. Hrm, I'd like that to see that. 4. Dear lord, I hope not. How low will Nintendo stoop? 5. Hrm, interesting names.
Homer: 1. The Sun? 2. Lets hope not 3. YOU have a cartoon? LOL 4. Eh, no comments

Matt Koopa wrote:

SNK IS DEAD BECAUSE OF SM128C!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF MARIO AND SONIC!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF GAMECUBE!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF X-BOX!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF PS2!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF POKEMON!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE OF SUPER MARIO BROS. 3!!! THERE DEAD BECAUSE NINTENDO WON'T PORT OR MESS UP WITH IT!!! Matt Koopa discovers CAPS lock

BeckerManEX: WTF are you trying to say? SNK is dead because they failed with all of their hardware after the Neo-Geo, and I'm sorry to say, never really had that many dynamic games out of the arcade.
Hairball: Well, holding down the SHIFT key for that long must have hurt your fingers.
Namek: SNK is coming back you stupid hoe. Don't you read the news. There first title is KoF '03 or something.
SolarGamer: Anyone who is this passionate about video-games must have acne. Why don't you go squeeze some pimples and stop e-mailing us with this bullsh**.
Tiger: Wrong grammar, it should be "they're." Yes, SNK was the best. HB, it's all your fault! >:O
Homer: SNK was cool. But i never knew Harrys site has sooo much attack power =P.

Mr. Mario wrote:

Is Homer a homosexual???

BeckerManEX: You will just have to ask him yourself.
Hairball: Homer is actually a short form for HOMERSEXUAL, so to answer your question, yes, most likely.
Namek: Of course, he likes it with bananas.
SolarGamer: As I am sure that one of my co-workers did a gay joke about Homer being a 'homersexual' I will spare you the lameness of repeating it. However I can assure you that Homer is not a faggot, for he has a steady collection of girls screwing animals and lots of fat chick porn on his computer.
Tiger: Possibly.
Homer: Yes, I am a homosexual. *Cough* www.wwfdivas.com *Cough*

Grady wrote:

Hello. I couldn't help but notice the following sentence posted under your latest e-mailbag update: "P.S. Stop sending so many gay e-mails please and thank you." Huh??? I thought the e-mailbag thrived on the gay e-mails; that's all you guys ever post... Who chooses which e-mails to post anyways?

BeckerManEX: Yeah, you are right, it is all we ever post.
Hairball: Grady ain't as cool as Shady.
Namek: Noooo! None of our emails are ghey. Maybe to the untrained eye they are ghey, but to an experienced person like myself, the emailbags are very thought provoking and very much bisexual.
SolarGamer: Listen cum-rag...No matter what anyone sends us, it has the tendency to be interpreted that it was written by someone who likes it up the ass. Believe it or not, the e-mails we post are the less flamming gay and more the quasi-bisexual gay. However Hairball sometimes lets a gay e-mail slip through occasionally. Just look how he posted your e-mail forexample :D. Hardy Har Har Har.
Tiger: HB "filters" them. har har.
Homer: HB, he considers all emails gay anyway.

Bonnie wrote:

Hi, I want to buy the Mario games for my computer. But I don't know where has sale the Mario game for computer. I has other games for my gameboy advance. But I really wish I can buy it. Can you tell me where to buy it? Thanks very much.

BeckerManEX: Mario games, except for a few educational products, can only be found on Nintendo Systems.
Hairball: Due to Nintendo's stubbornness, almost all Mario games will be exclusively on Nintendo-made systems, such as the GameCube and GBA. But someone from Nintendo has told me that the next BIG Mario game after Super Mario Sunshine will be coming out on the PlayStation 3.
Namek: Buy them from ebay.com
SolarGamer: Heh, I bet this chick is easy. I mean... her name is Bonnie and I am sure most of our readers have noticed the extremely poor use of the English language in her question. The sad truth is that she is probably ugly and stupid, meaning her ownly purpose in life is to pop out 5 or 6 children even stupider than her thus further over populating our society already over-run with dumb-nuts. Believe it or not, the uglier and stupider the girl, the more easy she truly is. Would I f*** her? Sure if I was horny, drunk and she had a bag over her face.
Tiger: Look on eBay or something, I'm sure some store sells those cheesy "Mario Teaches Typing" or "Mario is Missing" type game.
Homer: Send me 50 bucks. I'll get you all the Mario games for computer.

HIRE FOR BABE wrote:

im a very pissed off aussie who is anxiously waiting for the next instalment of the super mario saga so hurry up and update the site!

BeckerManEX: We don't want to piss off the aussies they may send a "hunter" after us. Crikey!
Hairball: Unlike that gay company called Nintendo, we do not have "regional delays".
Namek: SMS sucks. Go read something at TMK.
SolarGamer: If you are reading this...then you should know that the Super Mario Saga was updated with the e-mail bag. So what are you doing reading this? The Summer of Saga has begun!
Tiger: Solar, hurry up!
Homer: Damn aussies, they're so impatient and impotent.

Andrea wrote:

HOW DO YOU DEFEAT WART!?!?!

BeckerManEX: Visit your local Pharmacy.
Hairball: Mmmm... this seems like a SMB2 question, just get the veggies, and through them in his mouth, he doesn't like to eat veggies a lot. Damn that bastard, he's gonna get a stroke. Never mind me.
Namek: !!! Put some anti-wart creame, like Bioxerdene, on it and it should be cleared up in a couple of months.
SolarGamer: By using wart remover. Ga hick! Ok so that was the gayest response I have ever made. Fine...how's this. BLOW ME!
Tiger: Wart?!
Homer: WART? WTF IS THAT

Emmanuel wrote:

Hi! Why did you say that Luigi is in SUPER MARIO 64 in April 2000?Hairball 64 reported that Luigi is in SM64. PS. If Luigi is not in the game how could you talk rubbish! If He is in the game tell Me how to get him!!!

BeckerManEX: Gee, it was written in April..could it be something called APRIL FOOLS! Although it didn't fool anyone.
Hairball: You sir, have answered your own question. If Luigi wasn't in Super Mario 64, why would we have reported it? It is indeed the truth, and it's fact, we have explained how to get him, just go look around in the news, or search in the search engine, to find the info.
Namek: April = Fools ... You = Stupid F***
SolarGamer: He IS in the game. Nintendo sued us for revealing their secret so Hairball and the rest of the staff have been denying it since. However, since I am not one to play by the rules I will confirm the age old rumor that there IS a Luigi in Super Mario 64. Before you do anything however you must erase all the game files and start fresh in order for the secret to work. :)
Tiger: Because it was in April. Think.
Homer: It a fuc*ing trick you fool. Use your common sense.

Marcia wrote:

how do I catch MIPS the rabbit?

BeckerManEX: Just run after him, and try to head him off, it is very easy once you try a few times.
Hairball: You stalk the little homo in the basement for awhile, then do a front slide towards him.
Namek: Guns work nice :) unless you want him alive, then you a can of mase or something.
SolarGamer: What the f*** you talking about poindexter?
Tiger: MIPS..
Homer: MIPS the rabbit??

Anne wrote:

Why is one of the Parts of Super Mario Saga a bust of Batman Returns?

BeckerManEX: This makes little to no sense.
Hairball: My gut instinct tells me that Solar was either a) masturbating or b) watching porn, or perhaps most likely both.
Namek: [Insert witty comment here]
SolarGamer: Nope...if you are referring to what I think is Part 6 about the evil stork and the baby, then you will have to wait and see. That whole part will be delved into deeper towards the END of the Super Mario Saga and you will find it has nothing to do with Batman Returns....Funny you are the second person to say that. Hmmmmm.
Tiger: What? Is this part of Solar's evil handiwork?
Homer: Cause solar is a big Batman fan.

Mario Gamer wrote:

Hey Hairball! I just made a far-out picture for your mugs you can use If you give me cerdit! Let me know if you want to see it and if you want me to make more!

BeckerManEX: null
Hairball: Goddamn, we have enough logos right now, but hell, it's not like I wanna see pics of your mom anyhow.
Namek: ... NOOOO ... All my pictures got rejected cause Hairball is a stuck-up fag. He used all of Tigers pictures, but I guess that's only because they are both getting married next summer.
SolarGamer: NO. We have enough logos as it is. Besides, PORNOGRAPHIC material is not appropriate for a Mario web-site. For those reading I have seen Mario Gamer's logo and it consists of a girl tied up with Yoshi using his long tong to, how shall I put this, 'pleasure her'. You make me sick Mario Gamer.
Tiger: Ask HB.
Homer: Before you send it to HB, make it the picture is REAALYYYY big.

Killer wrote:

Why do you people work with someone who insults people no matter what they say? I'm referring to Solar Gamer, who seems to be too out of it to even answer a question right. Doesn't his useless banter get a little... childish and immature? Oh boy, here comes his "insult" right now. So, so afraid...

BeckerManEX: Actually we don't "work" with each other, there are some people on the site that know each other in real life, but for the most part we are separated by country lines and boundaries. So all you Canadians, come get some! :)
Hairball: No no no, you have it all wrong. The guys and girls at SM128C do not exactly "work with each other", instead they are slaves to me, and they only report to me.
Namek: What am I doing? Solar makes for a very very fine pet, so don't discourage his wild bantering or i'll kill you killer >:D
SolarGamer: Hmmm...for once I will NOT insult you, merely speak the truth. Keep in mind now that I am neither judging nor criticizing; You are one of those people who are an easy target to make fun of aren't you. You know...like that whole Gay and Lesbian Alliance thing. They get so anal (no pun intended) about stupid jokes and yadda yadda yadda, just making them even more of a fun target to pick on. Same goes to those fat people complaining about the movie 'Shallow Hal'. If anyone has ever noticed, it is the ugly poindexters who are anti-social or have other problems in their life that are the ones who complain and/or 'bitch'. Besides I don't think anyone on this site will even remotely take this e-mail of yours seriously as Hairball and I have been friends for years and despite the fact that most people find me funny, I am a nice guy and most people like me. And the ones who don't are usually the ugly, hyper-sensitive party-poopers who I wouldn't even acknowledge in the real world any way. Do you have any friends? I suggest instead of focusing on writing complaint letters you go get drunk and have a good time with some of your buds. Mmmmmkay. F***ing fat greasy prude ass stinking faggot of a fag ;).
Tiger: Ooh Solar can take it, HE'S A MAN!
Homer: Read the above response

JAMESTER wrote:

HAHAHA I LOVE THAT SHERLOCK quote, about the eggs and ham breakfast, it is now my desktop background. Awesome Guys!!

BeckerManEX: Glad you liked it.
Hairball: So uhhh... that is um, interesting.
Namek: Huh?
SolarGamer: What the fark you talking about. You are smoking pot aren't you. Hook me up man ;)
Tiger: Okay, sure.
Homer: How come I'VE never seen that

Einstein wrote:

This site sucks.

BeckerManEX: Way to go Einstein.
Hairball: I like burning stacks of paper that have E=mc2 on them, and also ones with your face.
Namek: Of f***ing course it does. What do you expect from us? Do we look like TMK to you?
SolarGamer: It does. It truely, deeply, does. Hairball gives terrific head.
Tiger: Yes, we suck up all the cool information onto SM128C! Oh yeah..
Homer: Einstein is cool. Don't make a fool out of him.