E-Mailbag for June 29, 2002

RK3K wrote:

Look, I see this is stupidly crazy about fighting over the darn new video games. "Gamecube is lame!!" "X-Box's stupid!!!" "Ps2 is nonsense!!" THE FIGHTING OVER NEW VIDEO GAMES IS JUST TOO GOD-DANG STUPID. The NEW video game BASHING......IS.......NEEDED.....TO......BE.....OVER......WITH.......RIGHT. ......NOW!!!!! DANGIT. Bashing is just "HECK NO!!" ways!! People just need hearts of games please!!! And bashing is nothin' to LORD!! What if people who got after people who hate NEW video games? What will happen? (1. I'm not talking about the site, I'm talking about the dangers of bashing new video games. 2. NEVER I bash new video games. 3. I like Gamecube okay? But I'm not bashing the NGC, X-BOX OR PS2, but NGC is cool.)

BeckerManEX: Okay, we understand. I myself have been known to bash the PlayStation2 and the XBox for their respective reasons, but seeing that the PS2 is now only $200 bucks, and there are some killer games I would love to play, I could be tempted to pick one up near the end of the summer. As for the X-Brick, er, XBox, I don't think I will be getting one, unless those rumors about Rare are true....
Hairball: I think that the video games are just trying to be "cool" and the "coolest" one gets the most sales, at least that seems to be how the new kids are thinking. Most people can't afford more than one system, so they may get the one that the most cool.
TW: Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but X-BOX DOES SUCK ASS! BILL GATES sh**TED IT OUT!!! - I saw an image of that in a magazine, haunted me for life (maybe not)
SolarGamer: GOD! If there is one thing I don't like it is the bashers who bash the bashers...I don't know what country you are from jackass but in AMERICA it is our god given right to bitch and complain without anyone hassling us about it for doing so. Why don't you go back to the Middle East buddy, where all the smelly hairy idiots live (not to say all the people in the Middle East are like that...(even though they are.))
Tiger: Haha, but you see, I have betrayed Nintendo! I have recently bought a PS2! YES THATS RIGHT! That is my first new console..the last one I had was an SNES! What can you say about that? But the GameCube rocks. If only I had more money..
Homer: And Atari 2600 is wicked!!!

Sick Bastard wrote:

Solar Gamer was a great lay

BeckerManEX: Your name is chosen well.
Hairball: That's great, so where's my 5 cents?
TW: You got laid with solar? How nice.
SolarGamer: My cock is big and my balls are round....I am talking about my chicken and my basketballs faggot. ;) Anyways, thank you for the compliment. Although, I hear that quite frequently from both guys and girls. Why limit the love you can share with only one gender after all.
Tiger: Hm..no comment..
Homer: Yes indeed

Al Gore wrote:

Thanks to you, I'm going to hafta shut down the internet. (shuts the internet down)

BeckerManEX: Oh Al, you and your silly claims, next you will be stating you created demin short-shorts. ::shivers::
Hairball: Ooooooooohhhhhh... I am so scared.
TW: You American *****, oh yes, I wanted Al Gore to win, not Bush.
SolarGamer: Yeah...ok. Riiiiiiiiight. This is the kinda joke that belongs on some 'kiddy' web-site. Why oh why do all these little kids come to a Super Mario fan site? It just doesn't make sense.
Tiger: AH? Where'd everything go?
Homer: Thanks to you too, tell Bush his free supplies of condoms will be over.

Super Homo wrote:

I e-mailed you last time about Yoshi being a boy and laying eggs. WHY THE HELL DID'NT YOU PUT IT ON THE E-MAIL PAGE THINGY DAMMIT!!!! Err... If you do'nt do it this time than I'll... Well, I'll Be Pissed..... You have been warned.....

BeckerManEX: It's not like we are scared of you, but we did post your letter this time.
Hairball: I have said it once and I will say it again, Yoshi is a transsexual.
TW: Hairball probably determined that it's gay rating was through the roof.
SolarGamer: We are sorry for not posting your e-mail in the e-mail bag, for there is a logical explanation. We intend on doing a special that shows how both sexes of the Yoshi are able to produce the eggs in a matter of seconds of eating something. My theory is that all the Yoshi's are in reality hermaphrodites and that there is no male or female gender. Be prepared for graphic pictures of Yoshi squeezing that egg out of his ass.
Tiger: Oooh you made him mad, HB!
Homer: We all konw how lazy HB is, right HB?

Pot Head wrote:

Is it true that SolarGamer is the son of Bin Ladden

BeckerManEX: It might explain alot..., but, alas, no, he is not.
Hairball: Yes, that's why he has sick, sick thoughts.
TW: Hmm... a conspiracy?
SolarGamer: f*** no! I ain't no Arab freak. Even if Bin Ladden wasn't some homicidal maniac, the Arab people as a whole are rather...disgusting in many regards. I take that insult to heart. I am practically 100% German, and am proud of my heritage. Good looks, intelligence, and a big dick are all about being Aryan.
Tiger: Possibly, quite possibly.
Homer: Do HB has been cybering with a terrorist the whole time?

Jonny wrote:

Great site. Katie will you f*** me?

BeckerManEX: So forward, you didn't even try taking her out on a date first to "warm her up ot the idea"
Hairball: She probably will if you give her a good ride... and some money.
TW: I don't know who this "Katie" is.
SolarGamer: Katie? Who the f*** is Katie......ohhh Katie. See people, that is why it is best to at least know the first name of the person you are sleeping with on those one night stands. Don't worry Jonny I am sure Katie will give it up for you...although prostitutes aren't exactly the tightest mother f***ers for people whose dicks are rather, how shall I put this, below average.
Tiger: HB! You really dont filter out these things do you..
Homer: Who's Katie?

Crono38 wrote:

Nice April Fool's joke. Har har. It would've been harder to tell that this was fake if you had found sprites from the GBA version instead of putting sprites from the SNES version in screens of the GBA version.

BeckerManEX: We didn't want to make it impossible and from all the slack we got about your Luigi in SM64 from a couple years back, we wanted to make it somewhat obvious.
Hairball: The GBA emulator doesn't work as well as the SNES emulator.
TW: Oh har har, bloody hah.
SolarGamer: Where's your web-site f***er? Thought so. Since, you are probably fat and ugly...I will not insult you at all. See people I AM a nice guy...especially to those of you with pathetic lives.
Tiger: Yeup, thanks to our good ol April SM128C committee.
Homer: Its all TWs fault!

Guy3421908 wrote:

i need help! i tried the new code a million times to get the secret levels in SMW for GBA, but it doesn't work! i've beaten all 96 levels too! what am i doing wrong?

BeckerManEX: Nothing, it's fake.
Hairball: The only thing you did wrong is sending that e-mail to SM128C.
TW: I think you'll find that it was an April Fool's Joke, and the code doesn't work. You are the weakest link, goodbye!
SolarGamer: Laughing my ass OFF! This poindexter actually plays Mario games. How old are you little boy? Why don't you go ask your mommy nicely how to do it. Now you be a good boy and try not to get spanked.
Tiger: Maybe you need to read the date on the article.
Homer: That was an April Fools trick, you must be very dumb to not figure that out by now.

Sarah wrote:

Je veux download mario bros parce-que sa fait longtemps que je essais de le download cest toute ok, merci bye

BeckerManEX: I caught "Mario Bros." and "Download" but download what, I'm not sure.
Hairball: Je ne parle pas francais. Oh wait, it looks like I just did.
TW: Je ne sais pas.
SolarGamer: It is a proven fact that French people don't bathe and that they stink. . . .That is all.
Tiger: No speako Frencho.
Homer: Je ne comprand pas

Ryan wrote:

In Super Mario World (GBA), after you collect all of the dragon coins, Yoshi's house will have a block that says, "I am out playing with my friends, I hope to see you again, Super Dragon Yoshi." Is it possible to see or get Super Dragon Yoshi?

BeckerManEX: I don't think so, then again I haven't played through the whole game.
Hairball: How is Yoshi not a Super Dragon?
TW: I haven't played Super Mario World, or Super Mario Advance 2
SolarGamer: Yes, but not the way you would expect. My way involves smoking a lot of pot. But not just any pot mind you! You have to smoke the cannabis indica, other wise known as "kush". E-mail me so I can mail you the hook ups and I promise you that you will be seeing a lot more than a Super Dragon Yoshi. Do you puff the magic dragon?
Tiger: Yes, just keep on mashing the buttons.
Homer: Never played it, ask HB

Amy wrote:

How do I catch the eggs that Birdo throws in Super Mario World ?

BeckerManEX: Jump on top and lift them up, then proceed to throw them back at him/her.
Hairball: First off, there is no Birdo in Super Mario World, but if you mean Super Mario Bros. 2, just jump on top of the egg, and press the dig button, and you'll pick up the egg.
TW: Birdo is in Super Mario World? Thought he was just in Super Mario Bros.2 - look above then.
SolarGamer: What the hell is a 'Bird O'???? I swear Hairball attracts all the tweekers.
Tiger: You get on top of em and pick em up, simple as that.
Homer: Dunnno, ask HB

Jack wrote:

WHEN IN F***ING HELL ARE YOU GOING TO F***ING UPDATE YOU F***ING VAGINAL BLOOD FARTS? F***ERS!

BeckerManEX: Harry, why would you even post this?
Hairball: Nooooooo... MY VIRGIN EARS! Don't ever, ever, hurt my feelings like that again, you heartless son of a bitch.
TW: You just missed it, it was on the 30th June. Goodbye.
SolarGamer: I agree with you on all accounts Jack. However the vagina must never be used in insults of that disgusting nature. You should love and worship that gateway to heaven and NEVER use its name in vain. Please PLEASE do not corrupt these young people's minds that the vagina is anything but beautiful. Show some respect man.
Tiger: HB really doesnt like to use filters, does he..
Homer: HB WILL F***ING UPDATE THE F***ING SITE WHEN HE F***ING FEELS LIKE TO.

Sonic wrote:

There is one thing I have learned after visiting the site recently......never trust staff members telling you things are coming on an exact date i.e. Super Mario Saga.

BeckerManEX: I have nothing to do with that, I just do the bag, and post on the board sometimes, I have had to take a backseat roll in the site since my site, Entertainmentopia, has really taken off.
Hairball: Life is full of delays, but like us, you shouldn't trust Nintendo either, since when did THEY do anything on time?
TW: SolarGamer is a very..... busy man.
SolarGamer: That is NOT my fault. That is Hairballs. But don't worry Hairball learned his lesson. He learned it good. Oh boy did he learn it good. BEOTCH.
Tiger: It's all Solar's fault! I swear!
Homer: Haha, you shouldn't trust anything we say either.

Yoshi wrote:

My site http://www.geocities.com/yoshi_dragon1016/ Please check it out and give any comment possible. PS Please email back as soon as possible thank you. Yoshi

BeckerManEX: Null
Hairball: Oh my, that is one of the gayest Yoshi sites I have ever seen.
TW: Get off Geocities. Geocities is evil! And you stole the BG image for the splash from the crappy SMT site. I like your in-depth summary of SMB1&2 especially, so much amazing detail on every aspect of these classics.
SolarGamer: I honestly didn't look at your site because I have better things to do and more questions to answer. Let me assure you though that I am positive that it sucks ass and that a chimp on crack could make a better site with only one hand available while jacking off.
Tiger: Nopety nope, didn't visit it.
Homer: The main page already makes me want to close my Internet Explorer

Jon wrote:

No offense or anything, but this site really does suck. I'm not saying you suck, but theres barely any useful info.

BeckerManEX: You have to dig around, we have years of archived junk for you to view.
Hairball: How the hell can we NOT suck, yet the site suck? You are being contradictive in your points. E-mails like that also contain barely any useful info.
TW: ...
SolarGamer: Yeah okay. Thanks. Next Question. Why does this site attract homos?
Tiger: There's barely any useful info in HB's brain too. Haha!
Homer: And you suck too

Sonic wrote:

Is it me or does Solargamer post more lengthy, useless replies than any of the other responding staff in the email bag?

BeckerManEX: I post good replies, it has been so long since I ACTUALLY had a chance to post some that I may have forgotten, maybe if you asked a question I could respond with a usefull comment :)
Hairball: I don't think it's just him, just look at all the other replies, how much useful do you think they look? Not very indeed.
TW: Go ahead, solar (read next line)
SolarGamer: It is the truth...but everyone loves me :). I am like Michelle on that old show Full House. I am just so cute that I can get away with anything. Ya Goon-f***.
Tiger: I dunno, let's look at his reply.
Homer: Solar has very interesting replies, they are also very enjoyable to read

Kristy wrote:

In Super Mario World, there are two worlds that have two exits. But I have tried everything to figure it out can you help me? The names of the two worlds are Cheese Bridge Area and The Valley of Bowser 2. Please help me?

BeckerManEX: I wish I could help you, but I haven't played the game in such a long time any help I could provide would be a combination of "ummmm"'s and "eerrrrr"'s.
Hairball: In Cheese Bridge Area, you have to go under the goal, and get right back up, and if you keep going forward, and there's the second goal. I can't remember the other exits in Valley of Bowser 2, haven't played the game in too long.
TW: I haven't played Super Mario World.
SolarGamer: Boring. I will just continue to sit here playing with myself until there is actually a meaningful question.
Tiger: Blargh I knew how to do this, ask HB, he helped me.
Homer: What are you really trying to ask?

HotSoup wrote:

Why doesn't your chat work? Is jIRC dead? Why aren't there anymore people in the chat area? How many Yoshi's are there? Where are my pants?

BeckerManEX: Chat works just fine it finally came back online, jIRC is not dead, it should be working as far as I know. The chat was down, it's back now. Too many to count, and no I haven't seen your pants.
Hairball: The chat room is too "cool" for you HotSoup, we don't want you to condense up. Since when does soup wear pants? I mean, that would look like you pissed your pants.
TW: 1) It does 2) No 3) There is 6 in there as I write this 4) More than you can shake your ass at 5) Keep Shakin' it!
SolarGamer: Someone call the police! A homeless person has access to a computer! Who did you rape and kill you bumb? ANSWER ME GOD DAMN IT!
Tiger: Yes, it's all dead! Chat is GoNe..OoOOoO..oh wait, it just made a comeback.
Homer: 1. Our chat works now 2. You must be blind if you don't see me sitting there in the chat room 3. I have no idea at all 4. At your local clothing store

Impact009 wrote:

I have a few things to say about Super Mario Saga or whatever. Solar has spelling problems. Part 11 at first it says Iggy, Wendy O and Ludwig escaped, then all of a sudden, Bowser at night adds in Roy, and Ludwig was captured. Is this an error? This might have serious problems on the plot, whatever the plot is. This story makes no sense, I swear on the game Donkey Kong the so called Pauline looks exactly like Peach. I don't think there was a Pauline. I know Mario has no child, because he probably doesn't even know how to have sex. And Mario still lives with Luigi in Brooklyn. I know the reason why Yoshi's mad, it's because Mario always bashed him in Super Mario World if you caught that. And how can there be a fire flower? Wouldn't the flower just burn up?

BeckerManEX: You raise some interesting points about the plot, or lack thereof, in the Super Mario Saga, but Solar is going to have to field this.
Hairball: Are you kidding me? Mario not knowing how to have sex? Mario's like one of the most perverted video game characters, always trying to find ways to get some.
TW: (ignores first bit) Pauline was in DK and DK2, Peach didn't come in till Super Mario Brothers. Peach replaced Pauline in one of the G&W gallery series Donkey Kongs, and he probably does know how to have sex, otherwise he wouldn't try to save Pauline, her sex must have been good.
SolarGamer: It is SOOOOOO f***ing hilarious when someone stupid tries to insult you. I will be the first one to say that I DO laugh at down syndrome people, however this guy makes retards sound like Albert Einstein. Number 1: My spelling is 150 times better than any fan-story and any articles period by almost any other fan-site out there. Number 2: I suggest reading the parts you mentioned and you will find that there is no "inconsistencies" like the ones you've mentioned and that you are stupid ;). I understand that the plot is more complicated and mature than any other Mario story ever written before and isn't some cookie cutter story in any way, shape or form. I suggest you go watch your Saturday morning cartoons as I am sure those plots will be easier for you to follow. Number 3: Now here is were you prove your stupidity. Pauline is AN OFFICAL Mario character. That is right! Her name was OFFICALLY PAULINE for the game DONKEY KONG. That is, NINTENDO made her name Pauline (More specifically Miyamoto). DONKEY KONG took place in Brooklyn. Princess Peach Toadstool didn't appear until Super Mario Brothers, which took place in another dimension. This is common Mario knowledge pal...ask anyone. Number 4: Who says Pauline doesn't have a child? She has been missing in the video game world for 15 years now. Nintendo has never explained what happened to her and why she is not with Mario. My story offers an explanation. Take it or leave it as you will. Number 5: Yoshi's motivation as to why he is mad is still a mystery. This is only the beginning to the story, for the Mario Saga hasn't truly even begun yet. Number 6: DUMBASS! Have you ever even played a Mario game in your life? The 'Fire Flower' has appeared in every major Mario title EXCEPT Super Mario 64. It has even appeared in Super Smash Brothers. Your attempts in making me sound stupid only discredited yourself even further. See people! This is why I am the master. If you really want to insult me and the story you can. There are probably a million reasons why one wouldn't like it. However people like this asshole didn't have any credibility or lost it when he started to 'insult me' with information that is COMMON OFFICAL knowledge. Nice try though.
Tiger: Hm, that email didn't make sense either.
Homer: Yeah Solar, take some English classes!

ZZZZZZZZZ wrote:

Lets see if they really update this time.

BeckerManEX: We updated!
Hairball: I think we actually kept our promise, for once.
TW: No, we won't update this. (rolleyes)
SolarGamer: The fun part is that if we wanted to we could choose not to update in years and you people would still be making us money each time you visit the site.
Tiger: Let's find out.
Homer: Lets see

I Hate Hairball, what a lazy sh** wrote:

I swear, if you don't update this mailbag, there's gonna be HELL around here.

BeckerManEX: We updated!
Hairball: I know, I was too scared, so I decided to update it.
TW: It sure is HELL around here!
SolarGamer: Ooooo I bet Hairball is scared by your threat. Why do people think that threats over the internet is something that will intimidate? It is almost as ridiculous as having an 'online girlfriend', but that my friends is a whole 'nother topic.
Tiger: Well, we just updated it. No hell yet.
Homer: I don't see hell.

Paper wrote:

I have some f***in' questions for your f***in' asses to f***in' answer, or else i'll have to come the f*** over there and beat all your f***in' asses and then all ya'll will be cryin' to yo' little f***in' mommas you f***in' bitches... So you f***in' might as well answer my f***in' answers and put me in f***in'the e-mail bag....... 1.Hairball is f***in' gay 2.Nintendo Gamecube isn't sh** cause it can't do sh**, so I might as well sh** on it. But that ain't none ya' f***in' buisness 3.Gamecube is a kiddie system. Get a f***in' XBOX or a PS2. 4.You guys/girls can't manage a f***in' website, one way to tell is by goin' in the chatroom. All you'll see is Hairball talkin' to himself. (lmao) 5.Who farted??? P.S. - Santa Clause is FAT!

BeckerManEX: 1. Okay, 2. That didn't make no lick of sense, 3. No, I like my GCN, 4. Great, 5. Thanks for sharing dick-face.
Hairball: Wow, you must be proud that you can say "f***" so many times, that goes to show how incredibly stupid you are.
TW: 1) Hmm, f*** 2) f*** 3) I f***ing well have a f***ing PS2 4) f***ing hell, this f***ing website is f***ing great 5) You f***ing farted you f***ing sh** 6) I know he's f***ing fat.
SolarGamer: Number 1: Hairball is NOT gay. He is bisexual. Number 2: You are either an uneducated black person or a 'wigger'. It is funny when people apply their so-called accents when typing. Other than those complaints, I think you were molested and have now become a pedophile. Why else would you be so caught up in the whole 'kiddie' aspect. You f***in pedo perv.
Tiger: 1. Yes 2. No 3. Sort of 4. Chatroom sUxX0rz! 5. Dunno PS. Yeup.
Homer: There you f***ing go, we have f***ing put you in our f***ing email bag. And here are the f***ing responses to your f***ing questions. 1. That is true 2. sh**ting in a GCN will not make it better 3. Do you think we don't know that? 4. IM THERE TOO!!! 5. Who?