E-Mailbag for November 11, 2000

IT'S ME wrote:

HA, SM128C IS better than this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!This means war!

BeckerManEX: Who or what is SM128C?
Hairball: Too bad SM128C does not exist...
Tiger: War to you, but we could careless.
X-Bot: Super Mario 128 Central was a suggested name for Hairball64's Super Mario 64 Central by yours truly. If in actuality Super Mario 128 Central is a reality then it is by coincidence. To answer your comment, 3 words: just bring it.
FireKraken: War?! Good! More food for my family!
Homer: No, we're better .
BigHornSheep: What? Sm64c is original, and it's part of HB's history, a major twist in his life, owning a great Mario site that may one day be super popular, even more popular then it is now.

Baronkrusha wrote:

I am very impressed with your site! I had to take a double take to see if this was an official site.

BeckerManEX: Wow, our self esteem meter just rose to 3.
Hairball: Thanks for the compliment.
Tiger: Thanks, we try to keep up with the good work.
X-Bot: Un-indeed.
FireKraken: Man, I wish! Then I'd get paid money instead of bread crusts...
Homer: Thank You.
BigHornSheep: The amount of work put into this site is so great that many believe this is affiliate with the official Mario site.

James Carpenter wrote:

Hi Im JAMES can you give me some tips on donkeykong64. Why dont you come out with a 3d Mario movie if you did I would watch it.BYE

BeckerManEX: Third Mario Movie? I wasn't aware of the second? To tell you the truth I would like to forget the first.
Hairball: I do not know.
Tiger: We dont have the time/energy to make a movie. And we probably don't know what to make, either.
X-Bot: If you searching for tips and tricks, this isn't the website for it. Although we have Donkey Kong 64 reviews, Hairball64 has been careless enough to exclude them from the site.
FireKraken: I'm sure a lot of people would watch it...
Homer: Once again, this is a Mario Fan site, not DK
BigHornSheep: Well, I guess some of the staff we have should use flash or something and make a short clip of a movie, now that's a bright idea.

Mr. Ryan Steffner wrote:

Hello, First their has been some confusion between me, this site and my site. Weather you give a dam or not, I have to tell you this. For starters, I own the website that was mentioned in the last installment of your letters. (http://gcubecentral.com) Then one day, I noticed my hits skyrocketing. This was indeed strange, so I posted a message in my own message board to see if anybody knew anything about it. A good friend of mine directed me to your mailbag and I found 2 letters that struck my interest: The first one was the one from Yolk Uno of PORSH. Well, PORSE stands for the People's Organization of Ryan Steffner Haters. (Yes, I have my own hate club.) I don't know what provoked this person to do that, but the two letters are connected (That one and the one that said "host my site or go to hell" or something like that.) Just so you know, I am not a jackass that goes around making people unhappy for no apparent reason and I wrote neither of those nasty letters. Thanks for hearing me out.

BeckerManEX: No Problem, you don't have to be a jackass because there are plenty already on the web like that guy you mentioned.
Hairball: You sure don't have a life when you can make up a page of BS. Having your own hate club? Geeze.
Tiger: Okay...good observations. What do you want us to do? Don't shoot the messenger.
X-Bot: I bet your popular with the ladies too.
FireKraken: First of all, I don't give a damn. Second of all, how can I join this PORSH or yours? Third, I suppose you're welcome....
Homer: You're welcome
BigHornSheep: Your voice is heard. I am informed.

Chuck wrote:

I know HTML quite well, but I've been wondering, how do you get the page icon to change? For example, you have a Yoshi Egg. Please respond.

BeckerManEX: Something special to do with IE5.
Hairball: Just make an icon called favicon.ico and put it in the root of the domain name. When they bookmark the site the icon should show. But this favicon thing is very buggy, and very often it doesn't show.
Tiger: I think thats with the new version of IE, and with some nifty tag of somesort. Ask HB.
X-Bot: The icon is called a favicon to my knowledge. For more information, witness Hairball64's answer.
FireKraken: The increadible virtual egg.
Homer: If you know HTML that well, why can't you figure that out yourself?
BigHornSheep: Who? What? You mean have a picture change? You need a script to do that.

Screenshot maker wrote:

I was looking at your awesome screenshot section, and I have a few questions. How much does a capture card cost? Where did you get it? How does it work? Is it difficult to do? Thankx!

BeckerManEX: Capture cards are very inexpensive, it is basically a TV card that lets you take screenshots. You can get it at any major computer retailer, and it works by running your N64 throught the card and using your Moniter as the TV. It works even easier with Dreamcast and the VGA box. And it's very simple.
Hairball: My ATI TV Wonder cost me $100 bucks, and I got it at Onvia.com. It's just a card you plug into to your motherboard, and it that's it. It's very easy, cause it comes with the software you'll need.
Tiger: Capture cards are found at your local computer store, and costs maybe $90 (I think). You connect wires from your PC to the TV, and I'd assume it'd be difficult.
X-Bot: A capture card costs a bundle, and you'll likely be able to snag one at a local electronics store. I haven't tested one out before, but I'm sure Harry Li has.
FireKraken: I'm too lazy to do research right now....go to www.compusa.com or www.bestbuy.com to see the price.
Homer: It cost around 60-90 bucks. And i don't know about the other questions.
BigHornSheep: Trust me on this one, if HB has it, it is not expensive.

Robert wrote:

I am looking to purchase some of the things i have seen on this sight. The mario watch, the mario video movie, any luigi or mario products i can find. This sight gives pictures but no place to order the merchandise. can you please help me my child has been a mario fanatic since age 2 and he is going on 11. Please thanks you so much.

BeckerManEX: Ebay is a good place to start looking. There was tons of Mario Merchandise in the mid-80's, but it has died down in recent years due to the major competition that Nintendo is facing.
Hairball: We are not currently involved in e-commerce.
Tiger: Try ebay.com or nintendo.com.
X-Bot: I think a website like nintendostore.com should do the trick.
FireKraken: Wow...that's a long time.
Homer: Go to sites like amazon.com or other ones.
BigHornSheep: LOL, I guess you should talk to the webmasters.

Patrick O'Bryan wrote:

I beat Super Mario 64 several months ago and I still cannot find the giant penguin to race down the ice slide. I did get my 100 extra lives and one heck of a party. LOL

BeckerManEX: The Pengiun is inside of the hut where you raced the normal sized one on the Mountain.
Hairball: Ummm, in Course 3, where you first faced the penguin.
Tiger: Try, try, again.
X-Bot: You must not be looking hard enough.
FireKraken: You had to have found the penguin...since one of the stars is racing the poor bird.
Homer: Like I care.
BigHornSheep: Let's go party.

Damien wrote:

hey people i have a problem. i have many dreams of wario dancing naked intimidately in my dreams and trying to seduce me. i once even did do "it" with him in my dreams. can you please help me?

BeckerManEX: Ask your parents if they have a gun, proceed from there.
Hairball: One can hope you are just a (female) dirty whore.
Tiger: Er..call LoveLine for some wacked out problem like that...
X-Bot: This comment has the word insane all over it.
FireKraken: We can't, but try this phone number ---> 1-800-CHARTER
Homer: You have one sick mind.
BigHornSheep: I have homophobia, get away from me.

Inside a box shaped box wrote:

Suck my juicy dick hairball!

BeckerManEX: Hairball charges by the hour, he just won't do it because you asked...well maybe he will.
Hairball: You don't have one, silly.
Tiger: Yeah, HB, follow his directions!
X-Bot: See my previous answer.
FireKraken: Hmm...I like to eat butter by the stick.
Homer: Ewww
BigHornSheep: "Juicy" is a word to describe hot girls, as far as I know.

Zan(Again) wrote:

Hairball you really need to get rid of Chelsmiester10 she relplied "I'm sorry. Chelsmiester10 is not available. Please leave a messgae after the beep. BEEEEEEP you." How lame can you get? Why did you choose her? MY GOD! SHe'll probably come up with another lame reply to this message but what the f***!

BeckerManEX: Uh, huh.
Hairball: Do you see her on this e-mailbag? I guess not.
Tiger: Staffing is not my department.
X-Bot: Don't nitpick dislikes of our staffers.
FireKraken: I must agree with him. Half of Chelsmiester10's responses were: "this question wasnt directed to me". Either that or "......" or "?????"
Homer: She's already out, =
BigHornSheep: LOL, I was going to reply to last time's e-mailbag, but I was busy, so I guess I shouldn't talk, I probably would have come up with a worse anser.

No edits wrote:

One the second message of your most recent E-Mailbag the cuss words were edited! I hope you don'y edit because the cussing is what makes this site great! Lets have a test: F**k Sh*t C*ck Whore Slut Bitch Ass (the list could go on)

BeckerManEX: Such children. Once you grow up alittle you will find out that saying ass whenever you like doesn't make you cool. I mean I could go around saying ass all day and have people look at me funny. Like can I ass you a question, or I can't believe this ass is not butter. I could go on.
Hairball: 3 out of 7 words censored is not that bad.
Tiger: We try to promote common decency, and some adults could get really fired up about this. It's all about the virgin ears.
X-Bot: Whatever.
FireKraken: Cussing GOOD!
Homer: Why are you spamming?
BigHornSheep: Don't talk about yourself like that.

Gormandizer wrote:

How come the site whore has been on the EMail bag so much recently?

BeckerManEX: Harry gets around...really around, crazy Canadians.
Hairball: Who is the site whore?
Tiger: ?
X-Bot: Emailbags at SM64 Central are aplenty because of the lack of Super Mario and Nintendo GAMECUBE news.
FireKraken: That's server whore...get it straight. And, I forced her (unless she keeps making dumbass responses).
Homer: Dunno .
BigHornSheep: What are you talking about?

Snap Crackle Pop wrote:

Just wondering: Why in the world do you waste your time awnsering quetions sent to E-mailbag written by idiots (like this letter)?

BeckerManEX: You answered your own question.
Hairball: Because it's fun to entertain idiots like you.
Tiger: Sometimes we have some free time on our hands.
X-Bot: If we didn't answer the idiotic questions, there would be no questions in the mailbag.
FireKraken: Cause it's so much FUN to see how many people out there were born without brains.
Homer: It's for our customers
BigHornSheep: Because it is funny, and idiots like to read it.

Joe Canada wrote:

I don't know what I should ask. Ok, well I'm tired. Hmmmmm. You're no fun, stop typing. Are you really going to type everything I am going to say? I didn't want you to type THAT! Ummmmmm... Ok, ask if Hairball is related to Harry Potter. If he is, dispose of him in a brutal manner. Ok that's fine

BeckerManEX: WTF!
Hairball: If I was, I'd have a lotta money.
Tiger: If HB was Harry Potter, he would be dead already.
X-Bot: Indeed, Harry Potter is related to Hairball 64.
FireKraken: "Third person is fun!" said FireKraken.
Homer: What?
BigHornSheep: Bah Bah Bah, the bah goes on and on.

Karaoke Kakarat wrote:

What would happen if Kirby got possesed by Kamek, kidnapped Princees Peach, and tried to take over the Mushroom Kingdom?

BeckerManEX: I frankly could care less.
Hairball: They will DIE!
Tiger: Mario would come kick Kamek's ass (as Kirby).
X-Bot: The end of Nintendo.
FireKraken: Kirby doesn't relate to Mario...and I'm pretty sure that "Kamek" doesn't either.
Homer: Dunno.
BigHornSheep: World comes to an end.

William wrote:

In cool cool mountain, i'm on the star ' wall kicks will work ', and I can get onto the second platform but not the top one, how do I do it?

BeckerManEX: Wall Kick.
Hairball: Do what you did to get on the second platform, look around, and see what you're doing wrong.
Tiger: Get a magic rope and climb yourself up.
X-Bot: No.
FireKraken: Try, try again.
Homer: What game is that?
BigHornSheep: I don't think that is possible.

Freakachu wrote:

I was just wondering: Is the meaning of life to worship Mario and the other characters from the Mario games? (If not, I've wasted my life.)

BeckerManEX: Your life has been wasted, cherrish all of Nintendo's characters.
Hairball: No, it is not. And that sucks for you that you wasted your life.
Tiger: Yes. Worship more. I'll see you on TV someday being a braindead worshipping freak.
X-Bot: The teachers are going to crack; purple monkey dishwasher.
FireKraken: HA! You wasted your life!! You life-waster you!
Homer: No, you've wasted your life
BigHornSheep: It depends what you like.

David wrote:

I need websites that give me free domains with more than one domain-based e-mail address, kind of like yours with as many domain-based e-mail addresses as you want. Please Give me a big list of websites where they give me a free domain name with more than one domain-based e-mail address, kind of like your Super Mario 64 Central domain. Thank You!

BeckerManEX: No, find your own information freeloader.
Hairball: Buy a domain at www.dotster.com and then look for hosting at some other place.
Tiger: You can't. You damn miser you, just earn $50 so you can get one.
X-Bot: Err... no.
FireKraken: Go to www.mamma.com and consult mamma.
Homer: You HAVE to pay the domain for this domain, buddy. There's nothing in the world that's free and gives you lots of stuff.
BigHornSheep: 1) www.sm64c.com was not a free domain. 2) If you have a top-level domain, you can sign up for bigmailbox at www.bigmailbox.com for unlimited amount of username@yourdomain.com e-mail address.

Shoobadoobop wrote:

I like peach! She is soo hot! she makes my ball hurt! I want her to give me head!

BeckerManEX: Only one ball? What happen to the other one?
Hairball: She's soooo not hot compared to a lot of other female video game characters.
Tiger: Ask HB, I believe he has masturbated with fruit and is heavily experienced in that.
X-Bot: Stop getting it on with fruits (editor's note: "I like peach" -hl)on the Discovery Channel, yeeesh!
FireKraken: Your ball??! ugh. I would think you should want her to give you BALL.
Homer: Peach is ugly.
BigHornSheep: Don't we just all love Peach.....not.

Chris Charlton wrote:

Im gonna beat Harry up THIS time. I swear. YOU ARE DEAD HARRY!

BeckerManEX: All right, Fight! Fight! Fight!
Hairball: Lookie here, I am still alive!
Tiger: He's not dead, you just lied.
X-Bot: God bless your soul.
FireKraken: Yeah Harry, your days are numbered!! I got his back!
Homer: Like I care.
BigHornSheep: lol, Have time buddy.

Ryan 64 wrote:

Hey guys!You guys rock!Anyway,I have a question. How do you become a member of Nintendo Power?I'm need to know!

BeckerManEX: Subscribe.
Hairball: Forfeit $19.95 US ($27.95 CDN) to the great gaming company that owns us.
Tiger: Go to nintendo.com and find out.
X-Bot: I suppose you're referring to the magazine. Just sign up.
FireKraken: Ask them.
Homer: Subscribe?
BigHornSheep: You asking me, or you telling me?

Craig wrote:

One Mario Golf is that the only way to get the last four people?

BeckerManEX: You need to use the Transfer Pak and the Mario Golf GBC Game.
Hairball: You achieve the characters by transferring (using Transfer Pak) the characters you create on the GB Mario Golf game.
Tiger: Please state that in a form of a question please.
X-Bot: Ok...
FireKraken: Yes, that is.
Homer: I don't understand a single word you said
BigHornSheep: I didn't understand the question.

Larrette Cowfow Puttgrass III wrote:

Hoot mon! Yer' all bleadin' idiots! Runnin' a site about a fake plumber! It's completely pointless, ya' little haggis-filled fools! Ye' should be ashamed, laddy!

BeckerManEX: Willie is that you?
Hairball: Indeed, we are.
Tiger: At least this fake plumber brings in money for nintendo.
X-Bot: What are you going to do about it, huh?
FireKraken: Haggis? What are you, Scottish?
Homer: Hoot mon?
BigHornSheep: Then don't come.


I would like to know how to swallow uncooked pork. Thank you.

BeckerManEX: Why swallow? With your intellect you could just rip open your stomach and shove the pork in there.
Hairball: Just like cooked pork, it's not THAT hard is it? Oh, and remember to chew, or you'll choke.
Tiger: Open your mouth big and wide, and hope your teeth don't get de way.
X-Bot: You put it in your mouth, make your sets of teeth go in vertical motions, tilt your head backwards, and let it slide down your mouth, even if it results to severe damages to your throat, you asked for it.
FireKraken: Tilt your head back, pick up a knife, and repeatedly swipe your throat.
Homer: That's not related to Mario.
BigHornSheep: You can't, you'll die.

Ketamine Kat Kid wrote:

How come u guys are bitches?Are you jaded?..Who wants a bump of K???

BeckerManEX: I'm not jaded or a bitch, I'm very cynical and sarcastic...bitch.
Hairball: I might be a bitch, but I have no appetite for potassium.
Tiger: We aren't bitches, we are human beings. Geez! Get your species right!
X-Bot: Right...
FireKraken: I'll take a "bump of K" if you take a shot of Fire.
Homer: I'm not a dog, I'm human.
BigHornSheep: I'll past.